I can't believe another year has come and gone. We are already 3 days into 2009. My New Years Resolution this year is that I will try to not blink!! It seems that every time I do blink, time has flown by and my babies are much older.
Devin is now 14 and half way through the 9th grade. The braces are about to come off and soon he will grow into those huge feet. Girls are no longer icky and to be avoided at all costs. Where did my baby go? I vividly recall that day when I first got to look into those baby blue eyes and the look he gave me as if to say " I'm not a girl and you don't even mind it!" I remember his first step, first day of preschool, the day he got baptised. It seems like it just happened, but it was so long ago.
Sierra is 12 and in 7th. I don't know for sure when it happened, but she is beautiful! I guess I didn't see it because everyone says she looks just like me and I am not beautiful. But on Christmas Sunday, my little girl was a drop dead gorgeous young lady who turned heads all day. How did that happen? When did that happen? And now she wants a new hairstyle and to wear makeup like the other girls in church. I want her to always be my little girl.
Mackenzie is 10 and in 5th grade. She is still a little girl sometimes and sometimes I get a glimpse into my future when she flips her hair over her shoulder and flirts or when she shows some attitude or pushes the rules. She is my outspoken one, my people pleaser. She could easily be influenced to worldly ways, shows, music. I must pray more and work harder on training her to do right no matter what. Don't get me wrong, she's a good girl. She is kind, respectful, obedient, helpful, considerate. All of my kids are great and I get daily compliments on what wonderful kids they are. And Mackenzie has dedicated her life to God and she meant it. But I am her momma and so I worry. I want the best and I know how easily a mistake can happen and how those mistakes can forever alter your life.
Tanner is almost 8 and in 3rd grade. He is a handful and a bundle of energy, but also the sweetest, most caring and tender little boy you could ever meet. He is known as the little preacher or "the future" narrator/pastor/missionary/etc. He has a heart for God that is so very visible. He is still a brilliant child, and yet not really a little boy any more. He is now a handsome young man and growing so big.
After losing Colton and then almost losing Tanner, I struggle with letting go of my two "little" ones. I know that I must, but it is so hard to even let go a little. I know the pain of burying a child. I know the pain of hearing "There's nothing we can do." I know the fear, the heartache, the depression, the regrets, the could have beens. And I am afraid. I know I need to trust God and let go. I work on it daily because my boys are not about to be held back. They have plans to do big things and I can watch with pride from the sidelines, but not run along behind in case they scrape their toes.
And my sweet little Keegan is nearly 6. He still looks like a 4 year old, and I'm OK with that! He's dainty and petite and the most beautiful child I have ever seen. He is also a little spitfire who can hold his own against the older 4. He and Tanner are strong willed, and I pray daily for God to control them in every step, thought, deed. But even Keegan is growing up. My sweet baby is now a little boy and if I blink, I know he will make the progression to big boy, young man, young adult, adult. I know time will march on and even my last born, my bonus baby, will grow up and that saddens me.
And so, I resolve, that this year, I WILL NOT BLINK! I will hold on to every moment with each of my children and cherish it, for it is a moment that I can never get back, never relive. Time will march forward as it has always done and I must choose to either fight it every step of the way and miss the small details because I am so busy fighting a certainty, or I can embrace it and go with it and enjoy each stage, each new discovery, each and every minute of everyday. And later, when its over and done, then and only then, I can blink. And cry. And eventually find the joy that comes from knowing that I was there for everything.
My kids never had to miss me because I was there and available. They never had to face the world alone and be afraid, because I was their greatest cheerleader standing on the sideline. They never lacked self confidence because I spent my days telling them that God made them just the way they are and He loves them and so do I. They never got into trouble like other kids, because I taught them to use the Bible as the guideline for every moment of their lives. They never have to worry about pain and letting go because I taught them to never blink. To enjoy every moment, good or bad, happy or sad, whether they feel good or not, whether they need to work, or go to the store, or take care of a sick baby or an aging parent, whether they feel like there is no hope or if they are on top of the world...JUST DON"T BLINK! Life only happens once, live it to the fullest.
12/30/08
A new baby in the family
On November 14(no, she wouldn't wait~I asked!), my niece Jessica gave birth to her third child (1st daughter!)Jade Elizabeth. She weighed 8 lbs and was 20 1/2 in long. She is a replica of big brother Harley as a baby. At 6 weeks, she has already made it to a whopping 11 lbs. No dainty girls in this family!
Christmas at Mom's
This year the Longwell's once again had Christmas at Grandma's because our place is so tiny. We arrived at 7 to open gifts from each other and help make breakfast. Everyone else came at 8:30 to enjoy the food Mom and I had prepared! Then, the true craziness began. 31 people in my momma's house with a tree and presents and coats and things from home they had to bring and food and drinks and games and baking and cooking and on and on. Chaos, but wonderful chaos. It was a lot of fun, but a bit
sad. It doesn't get any easier to look at Dad's empty chair no matter how much time goes by.But anyway, even though times are tight, we had a wonderful Christmas and my children (and everyone else) got too much and ate too much. We laughed and shared and celebrated the birth of our Savior. We had two new folks at Mom's for the fist time this year~Rick's mom, Gail, and Kim's boyfriend, Roger. I know they suffered a bit of culture shock, but both survived!
Everyone buys gifts for the kids (like they need
that many!), but for the adults we do a chinese
gift exchange. Always entertaining to see what others brought and to fight for the items you want!
4/4/08
My other babies
Skyler Alexis was born to Ashley in April 2005. She is convinced she is the younger sister to "her guys" and loves to spend the night with "nana and poppy". She is a miniature Ashley in looks and deeds. Kaden Isaac Joseph joined us in November. He is just now getting to know and enjoy spending time with us.
3/31/08
About Keegan - Kindergarten
Keegan Montgomery was born in January 2003, the day before my birthday. Because he is my last, he is still my baby. At age five, he loves nothing more than to snuggle with Momma and read. Keegan is a very energetic boy who thinks that his adorable dimpled grin will keep him out of trouble. He loves playing with his brothers and sisters,and being a "big brother" to Skyler and Kaden(who are really his cousins). As the youngest, he doesn't usually get opportunity to do much for himself. It's quicker and easier for the big guys to tie his shoes for him than to teach him how to tie his shoes. But we are working on making him grow up, at least a little!About Tanner - Second Grade
Tanner Marcus was born in February 2001. He is in the second grade and enjoys every subject, especially math! He is a very smart boy, and skipped kindergarten. He should have skipped 2nd, but momma was not ready to have a 6 year old in 3rd grade. Tanner is all boy and very rambunctious. If he's not running full speed ahead, he must be asleep! He IS as ornery as his picture looks, but he's just as sweet. He is a great big brother and a great tormentor, depending on his mood. Tanner is looking forward to going to camp this year for the first time.
About Mackenzie - 4th Grade
Mackenzie Joann was born October 1998. She is in the fourth grade and her favorite subject is history. She has also been a cheerleader for the past two seasons. Mackenzie is a bit of a tomboy and a bit of a wild thing. She is the one who will push the rule as far as possible, then smile sweetly in innocence. Mackenzie is a big help, if she is made to be. If left on her own, she'd much rather play and let Sierra do the work. She does, however, love helping with the babies and I don't know what I would do without her on the weekends. Mackenzie dedicated her life to Jesus her first year at camp and is excited to learn what God has in store for her future.
About Sierra - 6th Grade
Sierra Jordan was born in September 1996. She is the oldest girl, and as such is a "momma hen" to the little ones. Sierra is in the sixth grade and her favorite subject is reading. She has been a cheerleader for the homeschool basketball team for the past two years, and was head cheerleader this past season. She loves to help and is a VERY quiet and shy girl. She is the spitting image of her mother in actions and looks, unfortunately. Sierra has a very tender heart and a sincere desire to serve God. If she ever decides boys aren't totally disgusting, she want's to have 4 kids!
About Devin
Devin Matthew was born in September 1994. He is in the eighth grade. His favorite subject is science. This is his 4th year of being homeschooled. He has played for the homeschool basketball team for the past two seasons and looks forward to being a starter next year. As the oldest, Devin has many responsibilities and privileges the others don't yet have. As a teen, he sometimes struggles with that, but each day I see him mature and grow to be more like Jesus and I couldn't be more proud. Devin felt called to be a missionary at the age of 10 and has surrendered to full time service.
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